Make it make sense. That’s what I’m trying to do. Every aspect of my life, everything I endeavor to work on, every time I move in a new direction, none of it makes sense.
I wonder if that is the point. I wonder if I am not supposed to try to make sense of anything, only experience things and move on to the next. I’m talking about trying to control life. Now, when I say it that way, it seems obvious that I cannot. But don’t we try, every day, to control life?
I spend a considerable amount of time evaluating the choices I make each day and can honestly say that when I rest my head to sleep, I have no guilt, no shame, no worries. I rest knowing I did my best with good intentions. Then I learn from things that didn’t go as expected. This sounds like a winning strategy to living. Yet, I want things to make sense.
I want to understand “why” to an infinite amount of questions. It seems for every answer there is a contrary answer. It seems endless the amounts of scientific theories there are to things like diet and nutrition, other-worldly concepts and beliefs, research and development constantly discovering new layers to previously documented proven facts, along with the endless expert advice in constant contradiction among experts.
The toll this has on human emotions is devastating as witnessed, a sea of people all striving to make the right choices for themselves in hopes to help others as well, only to find themselves in battles of the mind and heart as they navigate through the riptide of information.
I think back to a simpler time. A time without access to information. A time where people lived to survive- mind, body and soul. My mind takes me to open fields of undeveloped land, unpolluted, unbothered territory, where there are people living off the earth in the most natural way. Imagine with me if you will, no mirrors, no cameras, no media, no pageants, no celebrities, no influencers. Now, look through the eyes of those people. What do you see?
When I open my eyes, I see the morning light from the sun telling me it’s time to wake up. I see my clothes and I just put them on and because they fit, I do not give them another thought. If I am beautiful, it is seen in the eyes of my family and if they tell me, I smile because I believe them. I see food growing in the fields and I harvest what I need for meal preparations. I see flowers and twigs and make decorations for the house. I dry herbs and flowers and make my home smell good. I see my family outside enjoying life with the natural things of this earth. Everyone stays busy all day and gathers together in the evening. We love each other and pray to an unseen being we imagine created everything for us to live. We do this until we die. And the cycle repeats.
I think back to the beginning and wonder how it went from there to now. What was the thing that made us question everything? Why am I questioning everything?
In my quest to find the answers, I realize that whatever I discover is true, will in fact be in conflict with another’s realization. Someone back in the beginning wasn’t happy with whatever they had, whether it be attention, food, land, plants, affection, etc. Someone back then made a decision to find something else and ventured off to discover it. I must stop this train of thought because it explodes into, well, into what we have now, modern life.
I’m going to remember how simple life can be as I try to make sense of it. Unfortunately, I cannot undo centuries of evolution, so I will adapt as we all do.
Now, if only I could figure out these macro and micro nutrients.